untitled.

I wanna have the ability to get on here and tell you about my day,express my thoughts but i can not.Words that ive never said are trapped in my throat. I'm choking:
on the unsaid, on the almost saids, meanwhile regretting the shit i did say.smh.
A big part of me wants to completely tell the truth & a small but very powerful piece of me wont allow it. So,in general terms, I'm afraid of the what if(s) because of the what has been.
Blah: its all a blur and as often as i observe and analyze, is as repetitive
as the meaning to all this is.
although, ive disgressed
i just want you to see me clearly,
and of course im fully aware that this is only a dream.
this freedom is mine with or without your permission.
its me who needs to let go.